There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
