roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize