I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish you could order shots online.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
