He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
