Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
