dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
