Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
