Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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