you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
