no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
