...so i touched it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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