I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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