I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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