Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
