she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
