It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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