you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
