i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cat gives me a boner
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
