hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
