its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize