I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
