i think my tv is drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
