Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
