one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
