I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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