Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
