I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
