I think I died a long time ago.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
