He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize