Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
