Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
