So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
