ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
