my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
