you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
