id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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