Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
