I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
