my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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