In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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