i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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