I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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