Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
