worst night to have a conscience
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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