My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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