Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
