The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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