I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
