wakey wakey hands off snakey
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
