He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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