it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
