If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
