Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
