somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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