Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
