It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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