even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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