note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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