Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
