I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry about my life...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
