he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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