So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
