Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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